Summer is ending so fricken fast. It went by so fricken fast (once I got that job, really...). I didn't do ANYTHING I'd planned to do this summer. :( I never visited The Drawing Studio, never took an art class, never got CPR certified, never even had a water balloon fight. I did lose some weight, which is awesome, and I got that job, but other than that, I was basically being my usual slob of a self :(
Now another school year is about to start, and I really have no. idea. how to feel about it. I want to feel super duper crazy excited, but I don't. I don't feel much of anything, but at the same time, a little of everything. I'm happy to be able to go back and see Cory and other people again after so long, but also sad because there will be people missing, like Chris. I'm a bit excited to be rooming with the uber-fantabulous Alyssa, but also apprehensive that she and I will end up hating each other, or, more precisely, that she will end up hating me because of my messiness and stubbornness. I worry that I'll continue to be stuck in this awful, confidence-shattering limbo between groups of friends, and that I'll never find a place where I am both accepted and also comfortable with the people I'm with. It seems like the people I want to spend time with don't want to spend time with me, and that the people who do want to spend time with me, I absolutely cannot stand. Like Glenn, and a girl down my hall who is the female equivalent of Glenn. I also hold no excitement whatsoever for any of my classes, even jewelry-making, and I'm downright dreading my psychology writing course. I'm just so sick of classes. And I am not looking forward to leaving Toys R Us and going back to Peter Piper Pizza, and that's if I even go back to Peter Piper. I loved it at TRU, and I've made amazing connections with some of the people who work there, particularly this woman, Rachel (what is with me and people named Rachel? :S I may have to name a daughter that one day). I felt like I was really excelling at something again, and that I could've gone on to do great things. And now I may have to go back to Peter Piper and go back to feeling like a floor mat. And all the uncertainties that surround the start of another new job just sounds frightening to me. I hate that complete feeling of cluelessness and panic over how to do things right.
I really hope this new year will be better than the two before it. I'm trying to focus on the good things coming up but it's really, really hard when you're a type-A personality... I'm trying to think of all the good that may come from having Alyssa as a roommate. I've been reminding myself that Cory has some days off each week so we can actually spend some time together. And then, probably the one thing that has me totally giddy with excitement, a week after I go back I'll be taking a four-day trip to Utah with Alyssa and Eric and Kim and people, and I know I'm going to have a blast (I've always enjoyed camping), and I'm praying that they'll all finally see how awesome of a person I am. None of them have really spent more than a couple hours with me, and even in those couple of hours, they tend to end it with "Wow, Megan. I never knew this or that about you. You're funny! We need to hang out more." Maybe after that trip, they wont forget.
Oh, some other things that're really bugging me about having to go back - cleaning my room and getting all my stuff together here, and also leaving my family and Jessica behind. So yeah.