Monday, March 01, 2010

My Super Powers

I forget who - I think it was Wil Wheaton (no surprise there) - once pointed out that people have normal-human "super powers." They're not superpowers that you could don a cape and save the world with, but they are powers that are beyond normal human instinct or experience.

For example, when I first heard his explanation, I immediately came up with one of my own. Whenever damage is eminent to myself or someone/something I love, and I can do something to prevent it, time... moves... sooo... slowly.... Let me give you one scenario. When I was a freshman in high school, I was a violist in one of the orchestra classes. During one of the semester concerts, I was sitting in the orchestra room, instrument tuned, music organized and ready to go in its folder, but I had to wait for the beginning orchestra to play before my orchestra went up onstage. So, to pass the time, I drew Bill Weasley in my sketchbook. (Don't ask me how I remember I was specifically drawing Bill. XD I just remember). Suddenly, I realized it was very quiet in the room, and I looked up, and to my horror realized that the Chamber students were filing out to get ready to go onstage -- and they were set to go AFTER my orchestra! "Holy shit!" my mind screamed. "My orchestra is already on stage!! Why the fug didn't anyone tell me?!?!" I snatched up my viola and my music and fugging bolted from the room and down the strange hallway behind the band rooms which led to the stage, a hallway that was outside, but surrounded by walls. In front of me, three Chamber kids walked in a row, blocking my way, but I was in a damn hurry, so I darted around the cellist so I could get onstage.

But then, something hit me, right in the leg, and I found myself falling....

...keep in mind, I was holding my second-most-prized-possession, my wonderful viola, Jonel, in my hands...

And, like I said, time moved slowly. I figure it would only take, um, a quarter of a second for me to fall flat on my viola and crush it beneath my 200lb freshman body, but instead, I twisted myself in midair, moving so that I would fall backfirst, with my viola and bow safely above me. My back in the floor, and I probably skidded a ways while the Chamber kids gaped in awe at my clumsiness. My thigh screamed in pain and I was crying, mostly still frustrated at being forgotten than anything, but my viola was SAFE damnit! All thanks to my super power.

If you think that's the only time, oh ho ho, you are sorely mistaken. The first time I remember it happening was one time when I was 11, and my little brother was only a couple months old. I was holding him, and somehow lost my balance. (A dropped baby is a sad, possibly-vegetative baby, and a VERY VERY vengeful mother). Yet, when I fell backwards, it was so slowly and so smoothly, Donald practically floated only a foot from where he'd previously been held, not shaken, not broken.... I held him straight out from me as I hit the floor and felt the full impact of the fall, but he was fine. My mom proceeded to freak a little, and snatch him from my hands. I probably was only allowed to hold him while sitting from then on.

This is also how I'm able to avoid car accidents with other cars. ....with lightpoles at 5mph, not so much.

The inability to do anything about it also explains why this phenomenon did NOT happen when I was speeding backwards head-first into a tree on a sled in 7th grade.

So yeah. There's my superpower. It's uncontrollable but DAMN useful!!

So, I was trying to think of other superpowers I have.... if any....

I can think of several now, actually!!

The first, I learned this Thanksgiving....

I am a DAMN good shot with a Red Ryder Carbine Action 200-Shot Range Model Air Rifle

I'm not gonna lie to you, Marge, I kinda want one one day....

Second, I have this weird tendency to somehow suddenly temporarily turn into anything that I've seen or read, at least inside my mind.

So, if I go see a movie with distinct acting characteristics, I tend to emulate those characteristics in the hour or two after the movie. It's kinda like how if you've been in the ocean for 3 hours, when you get out, you still feel that swelling and waning of the waves, so much that you can start feeling seasick. If I go to see the movie Avatar, I suddenly feel like my legs bend the way those of the blue creatures' do. Seriously. I will start moviing a little like them, hold their same poise, maybe even talk a little like them for a time...

You'd think this would be really cool... and I do sometimes... but it can also be REALLY hazardous to my frame of mind.

For example, when I read Chaucer.... *shudders* Oh. My. God. My brain kept trying to think in rhyme!! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW TIRING IT IS TO THINK IN RHYME?!?!

The worst example is how much downer things can affect me... Here's hoping I don't start getting really into homocidal maniac movies!

One more example -- I've been reading John Green for the past 2 hours. Guess who's narrative voice I have inside my head right now as I write this?? Did you think I just said "fug" as a tribute to An Abundance of Katherines? Uh-uh. I'm John Green right now, fuggers! XD Deal with it!

(Only John Green probably wouldn't put emoticons in his books....)